* Sometimes the world looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just get a feeling
* Like you need some kind of change
* No matter what the odds are this time
* Nothing's gonna stand in my way
* This flame in my heart like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street a light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dreams
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dreams
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* It's my life and my dream
* Nothing's gonna stop me now *
* Who's got the pain when they do the mambo?
* Who's got the pain when they go ooh?
* Who's got the pain when they do the mambo?
* I don't know who do you?
* Someone must be sick of the heat
* Or stepping on everyone's feet *
BALKI: Hi, cousin!
"Bang-bong binki-ninki baklava?"
Bingo!
Want a big bite, booby?
Better not, buddy.
Bummer.
Bitter, Balki?
You bet your bibbi-babkas I'm bitter, baby.
I broke my butt baking these itty-bitty binki-ninkis.
And believe me, I banked on a bit
of basic brotherly bolstering.
Balki, buddy, baby.
I've had a lot on my mind.
Wainwright gave me a very tough assignment.
I've gotta do a "Whatever Happened To" piece
on 'Ace' Atkins.
Oh, I'd love to know where he is.
I'd love to know who he is.
"Highly decorated Korean War pilot.
"After the war, he became a test pilot.
"Currently owner and operator of an air charter company
and a Mister Softee ice cream franchise."
Wow, cousin, you're good!
Can you find out whatever happened to Mr. T?
"I pity the fool! I pity the fool!"
Wainwright wants me to go up in Ace's plane tomorrow
so I can do a firsthand account
of what it's like to fly with him.
(GASPS) Cousin, cousin, cousin! Please! Can I go?
Please take me to the friendly skies!
Balki is ready when you are.
I love to fly and it shows.
Well, you can go if you want.
You can tell me what it was like, 'cause I won't be there.
Cousin, how you can write an article about flying
with Ace unless you fly with Ace?
Balki, I'm a writer.
I wrote a very comprehensive article
about the sexual revolution.
I think you owe your readers a little more than that.
Cousin, you have to go up in that plane.
Balki, I don't like small planes.
They tend to fall out of the sky.
Cousin, it's your duty as a journalist.
Ted Koppel would go.
Sam Donaldson would go.
Clark Kent would go.
Of course he wouldn't need a plane, but...
Balki, you can't change my mind.
I'll tell Jennifer you sleep with a night light.
(LARRY SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
That particular move is the reason for the invention
of the air sickness bag.
Can you tell me why the white zone
is for loading and unloading passengers only?
Well, do we have to be up so high?
Oh, give me an airplane, and an unlimited ceiling
and I am a happy man. (CHUCKLES)
Give me a flight of stairs and a Slinky
and I'm a happy man.
You are not alone there, my friend. (LAUGHING)
MAN ON RADIO: Tower, calling Nancy 7-8-3-5 Romeo.
Nancy 7-8-3-5 Romeo, come in, please.
Oh, shut up! (LAUGHS)
Who, who was that, the automatic pilot?
Nah, it's them jerks in the tower.
Well, shouldn't you answer that? It might be important.
a flight plan.
Hey, I don't know where I'm goin', why should they? (LAUGHING)
We're flying with a lunatic!
Say, would you like to fly?
I would love to fly!
But I'm not sure I have the upper body strength.
The plane? Yes.
Hold it, Balki!
for anybody but Ace to fly his plane.
Oh, there's too damn many of them rules
and regulations, if you ask me.
So he fails a couple of 'em psychological tests, who cares?
Look at me, do I look unstable?
(LAUGHING)
Not at all. Well, I think I've got enough
for my article anyway.
Why don't we call it a day?
Not before we have us some fun.
(SCREAMING)
Ooh, don't you just love it when all the blood is rushing
to your head, and you're just this close to blackin' out?
(LAUGHS)
drinking a cold soda real fast while blindfolded?
Oh, I love that! Oh!
Have you ever held your breath and put your head
in a tub of Jell-O?
Oh, don't get your shorts in a bunch!
I've got everything under control.
Uh-oh.
Looks like we got us a situation here.
I can't seem to pull her out of the dive.
We're gonna have to bail out.
(SCREAMS)
Cousin, cousin, cousin, come on.
It's going to be fun, we get to, we get to
jump out of an airplane.
Just put 'em on, jump outta the plane
count to three, and pull this here doohickey.
Okay. Well...
I'll see you boys on the ground.
At which time, I will give you both
a valuable coupon worth five cents toward purchase
of any Mister Softee item.
(STAMMERING) Wait, wait...
No, no, no. Oh, not good on Saturdays.
Uh, uh, pu-pull the doohickey, uh, jump, then count to three.
No! Uh, Balki, I don't remember what he said!
He said the coupon's not good on Saturday.
The parachutes!
There are no parachutes. What?
Yeah, just a note that says, "Borrowed a couple of chutes.
Hope you don't mind. Dave."
(LARRY WHIMPERS)
"Hope you don't mind?"
No, I don't mind, actually I prefer the front seat.
Balki!
the plane ourselves.
What are you doing? You can't fly this plane!
Well, well, cousin, how hard can it be?
Mr. Ace said he could fly it
with both eyes tied behind his back.
(LARRY GASPING)
You see, cousin? I made us stop falling out of the sky!
Now, we are so happy, we do the dance of joy! (SINGS)
Balki, that's not good enough!
We've still got to land this plane!
Cousin, don't take your shorts out to brunch!
While, while we were taking off
and you were breathing into that paper bag
I watched everything that Mr. Ace did.
Now, if I can just do it backwards
maybe I can land the plane.
Oh, my Lord, we're gonna die!
No, cousin, we're not going to die.
The first thing he did, he, he, he called the tower.
Suck wind, bozos, I'm bringing her in.
(LAUGHS)
(SCREAMING)
(SIGHS)
(PANTING)
I never thought I'd see this apartment again.
Look at this apartment! I love this apartment!
(SMACKS LIPS)
Look at this couch, I love this couch! (SMACKS LIPS)
Cousin?
Look at this hand, I love this hand!
(SMACKS LIPS)
Look at that face! I love that face!
Cousin, cousin.
You've kissed everything from here to the airport.
I don't think that policeman was that happy
when you planted one on his horse.
Balki, I'm just happy to be alive.
Do you know what happened?
and the next, you made a three-point landing.
Somebody was lookin' out for us today.
Of course!
Teflonos was with us today!
The Myposian God of protection.
Any relation to Levolos, the God of window treatments?
Scoff if you will, cousin, but once Teflonos puts
his protective, non-stick shield around you
for the next phase of the moon, you're indestructible.
Oh, cousin!
to put my head in a lion's mouth!
(GRUNTS)
Balki, there is no such thing as Teflonos
and if you put your head in a lion's mouth...
Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going upstairs
to tell my fiance how close I came to death today
and while she is comforting me
why don't you try and get in touch with "Realitos?"
(DOOR SHUTS)
Teflonos, I know you're with me.
(CHUCKLES) So...
(CHUCKLES) Here goes.
(VASE SHATTERING)
(LAUGHING)
This is going to be fun!
(WHISTLES)
(EXCLAIMING)
(DOOR OPENS)
Good morning, cousin. Good morning, Balki.
Ah!
You're not still thinking about putting your head
in a lion's mouth, are you?
The circus don't come to town for two months
and I'm only indestructible for one.
Balki? Balki?
(GRUNTS)
Balki? What are you doing?
Bungee cords, cousin.
I'm going to, to dive off the fire escape
and see how close I can get to the ground
without actually hitting it.
Uh, uh, Balki, I have seen
bungee cord jumping on television.
It is very dangerous.
People have been killed trying it.
Well, they were foolish to try it
without Teflonos's protection.
Ah! No, no, no! Balki!
(GRUNTS)
Well, cousin, you can't stop me.
(YELLING) No! No, no.
No! No. No.
(PANTING) All right, Balki, Balki.
Listen to me. Listen to me.
(PANTING)
Well, cousin, that's where you're wrong.
(SCREAMING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(WHIMPERING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
What a rush!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
What a thrill!
What an experience!
I have never felt anything like it
before in my life!
You're falling and then suddenly
(IMITATES SPRING)
You stop...
Inches from certain death!
That bungee cord shouldn't have been able to hold our weight,
but it did!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GRUNTING)
(SIGHS)
Oh!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GRUNTING)
You know, Balki...
(BREATHING HEAVILY) That was incredible!
Yeah, it sure was!
Now, let me get this straight.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
For the next 28 days
we can do anything we want and not get hurt?
Ah, that's right, cousin.
What death-defying, life-threatening stunt
is first on your list?
Well, you know...
I've always had this secret desire
to go right to the top of the Sears Tower
and go right ahead and look down!
Yeah, well, I can, I can see
why that would be a big step for you, cousin
but while we're under Teflonos' protection
why you don't think of something a little more daring?
Well, there is one thing I've always wanted to do.
No, I can't, it's ridiculous!
Well, of course you can!
Do be ridiculous!
Balki, you're right!
Let's do it!
(GRUNTING)
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
This is great! Yeah.
I'd say this was the best time I ever had!
(LAUGHING)
Oh, Balki, I got a great idea. What?
Why don't you drive for a while?
That's a great idea!
(LAUGHING)
Well...
(ENGINE REVVING)
(LAUGHING)
(ENGINE REVVING)
Cousin, cousin, I love the new spontaneous you!
What's next on our list?
Well, we're scheduled
to get shot out of a cannon at 4:00
but that might interfere
Maybe we could get the cannon
to shoot us into the shark pool!
Great idea! But it has to be at feeding time!
Oh, yeah, right.
(YELLING)
(ENGINE REVVING)
Cousin, I was thinking
tomorrow might be a good time for you
to get over your fear of small planes!
Great idea!
Cousin, you don't know how to fly a plane!
Well, I don't know how to drive a motorcycle, either!
That's a good point, very good point.
Let's hang two! Okay.
Well, what's that sign say?
Freeway ends in 300 feet. Yes!
(LAUGHING)
(BOTH) Yeah!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Cousin, that was great!
You wanna go back and buzz Wrigley Field again?
Maybe this time we can get the ball autographed.
Okay, my turn!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Ah, that was great!
(LAUGHING)
(GASPS) Oh! Oh! Oh!
(BOTH YELLING)
(LAUGHING)
Whoa! Nice maneuver, cousin.
Uh. Oh, I thought you did that.
Oh, no, no, that wasn't me.
More than that kind of serpentine, uh, type of thing.
Okay, well, pull her up.
(CHUCKLES)
I can't. Just pull back on the stick.
I'm getting a strange feeling.
Well, of course you feel strange.
but we are safe, thanks to good ol' Teflonos.
(CHUCKLES) Just pull her out of this.
Oh, my God!
What if we're not indestructible anymore?
Well, Balki, that's not possible.
and it's only been a week.
Yeah, but, but maybe
to protect two people.
Maybe he can only take care of one of us.
Cousin, if I leave, you'll be saved.
No, no, Ba-Balki, don't do this!
But, cousin, it's our only chance!
(STAMMERING) Whoa!
Suppose Teflonos decides to protect you
I'm gonna hit the ground like an overripe cantaloupe!
Teflonos, if you can hear me
I want you to stay with Cousin Larry.
Goodbye, cousin.
Oh, no. No, no, no! No. Uh, Balki.
Well, no, wait. Wait, wait, Balki.
Balki. Oh. Balki. Don't do this! Balki. Balki.
Oh, no. No.
Hey, Balki!
I guess Teflonos decided to stay with me!
See you on the ground!
You can wake up. It's all right, it's all right.
Where am I?
Why are you beating me up?
(STAMMERING) And, uh...
We went into a dive and, and you fainted.
Yeah, you passed out before I could tell you
I was just kidding about that bailin' out business.
Well, that's your idea of a joke?
Now, you see, that's the trouble with you civilians.
You ain't got no sense of humor.
Just like them tough butts at NASA.
You mean, you didn't bail out?
Balki didn't land the plane?
We didn't drive a motorcycle?
I don't think Cousin Larry is playing with a full deck chair.
It must have been a dream. Why, it seemed so real!
Balki, we did things you wouldn't believe!
Well, Mr. Ace says he can do some things
you wouldn't believe.
that makes almost all the blood go below your knees.
Show him, Mr. Ace. All right!
(SCREAMING)
Well, cousin, except for the screaming and the fainting
you had fun.
I guess you've gotten over your fear of small planes.
Balki, I'm never going up in a small plane again.
I guess I was wrong.
(SIGHING)
You know, sometimes a little fear is a good thing.
I'm going to bed now.
(SIGHS)
You know, tomorrow after I finish my article
I'm going to spend the rest of the day
enjoying some nice, safe
non-life-threatening leisure activity.
(CHUCKLES) Cousin, cousin.
Here's something you might like.
"Bungee jumping. Take the plunge."
Uh, may I see that? Oh, sure.
Oh. Uh...
Thank you. You're most welcome.